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A few weeks ago, my spiritual director helped me realize that I don’t allow myself to desire things. Why? Fear of disappointment, rejection, among other things. This fear has prevented me from going after things that I want.
The past month I was in a period of waiting on something I really wanted. It was hard and I constantly doubted my worth. I believed the lies that I couldn’t be chosen for this role because there was someone better. I told myself that I didn’t get it, like MJ in Spider-Man to set myself up for disappointment so I wouldn’t be disappointed. The entire month God asked me to trust Him. He asked me to hand over this desire to Him, to surrender it. So I did. And I did again and again when the worry and fear kept creeping in. The phone call with the decision came at the most perfect time. And I got the role (which I'm super excited about btw!!!) but that’s not the point. Sometimes we don’t get what we want. What’s important is that we learn to trust and see God working His bigger plan. During this season of Advent, I experienced waiting more than I ever had before. I was right there with Mary and Joseph saying yes but being afraid to want something so much. God fulfills the desires of our hearts. We just have to be courageous enough to pursue them. Sometimes we have to be okay with trusting within the waiting.
Do you allow yourself to desire things? Think about how much freedom you would experience if you let go of fear and started delighting in the Lord and going after what you want.
"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4